you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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