She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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