you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
