He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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