Betty ford says i'm here all night
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
