New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
