smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You can't special order awesome
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
