You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
