I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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