shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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