From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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