remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
