i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
there is glitter all over my balls
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