Please, let me fuck your mom
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
