well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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