I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
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This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize