Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
