he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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