He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
