Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
