a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
