the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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