Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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