but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
