Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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