Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
