He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
