You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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