I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
