I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
