Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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