you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
