there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
