So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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