Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
