i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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