it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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