So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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