I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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