No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
