You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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