i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
