i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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