so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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