how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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