so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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