We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
