There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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