do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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