You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
