Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
