Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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