Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
