Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
