Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
