the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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