Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
