what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
