you guys were way drunker than both of me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
