Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
