Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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