what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
