I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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