from now on my penis is your penis
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
