we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
