dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
