dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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