I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
