I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
