I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
