I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
