he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
