Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
