...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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