im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
